Reality as we know it can be defined as the collection of perceptions, experiences, and sensations perceived by our bodies and minds. No two people will experience the same complete reality, as opinions, experiences, perspectives, and beliefs will alter the state of individual reality.
Expectations however are the hopes and wishes of an individual or group, for a specific outcome. In the disconnect between reality and expectations lies the breeding ground for resentment and unhappiness.
Expectations
When you place too much weight and importance on your expectations of a specific outcome, you set yourself up for disappointment. Things don’t always go exactly how we plan, and a rigid expectation with no room for flexibility is the perfect recipe for discontent. This can even lead to reality-breaking thought processes, where an individual refuses to acknowledge the reality of a situation - also known as denial.
The dangers of denial are simple: a person who doesn’t see the reality of their situation will ultimately be trapped in it, unable to see how to change course. They will be almost entirely incapable of taking action or making any decision that would improve their situation.
Research has shown that humans aren’t the best at knowing how they’ll feel in various situations. For example, newlywed couples tended to overestimate how much their relationship happiness grew over the next 4 years of marriage. Many believed it would grow, however, the opposite tended to be the case: happiness tended to decrease across the 4-year span.
The resulting phenomenon is that setting expectations too high or being too rigid about your desires is faulty. You may believe that achieving this goal will make you happy forever, but the reality is that you may be choosing the wrong goal and reality might be significantly different than you had expected it to be.
Focus on Gratitude Instead
Focusing on your goals with too much rigidity and high expectations can often result in lowering your overall happiness in life. To combat this, express gratitude instead of for what you have.
Let go of unrealistic expectations and be thankful for what your life has brought you already. Not to say you can’t set goals for yourself, of course, you still should. But let go of those unrealistic expectations and allow gratitude for the good things you have to overpower the discontent and longing for something “more”.
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